Despite significant progress in LGBTQ+ rights and visibility, many queer people continue to carry the psychological effects of growing up in a society where heterosexuality is often treated as the norm.

What is internalised homophobia?

Known as internalised homophobia, this hidden form of self-rejection can affect confidence, relationships, mental health and wellbeing - often without people realising it.

Our new Public Perceptions Survey1 findings highlight some of the challenges LGBTQ+ people continue to face. Seven in 10 (70%) LGB+ respondents said loneliness affects their mental health, compared with 50% of non-LGB+ respondents. And more than six in 10 (61%) said racism and discrimination affect their mental health, compared with 39% of non-LGB+ respondents.

According to our member Sumeet Grover, internalised homophobia develops when people absorb negative societal attitudes about same-sex attraction and turn them inwards.

鈥淚nternalised homophobia is alive each time a gay person hates, rejects, minimises or dismisses parts of themselves that seek connection, love and togetherness with others, because of a nonverbal and often unthought fear of being seen as different, and of being judged, humiliated or rejected in return,鈥� he says.

鈥淭hese fears are not rooted in mere fantasy, but in the reality of lived experience.鈥�

A hidden struggle

Sumeet explains that internalised homophobia is often a survival response developed in response to bullying, rejection, shame or exclusion.

鈥淭he essence of internalised homophobia is that a gay person restricts the full expression of their personality, feelings and needs before someone on the outside does it to them,鈥� shares Sumeet.

How it shows up in everyday life

While many people may associate internalised homophobia with those who are struggling to come out, Sumeet says it can affect people across the LGBTQ+ community, including those who appear confident and self-assured.

鈥淭he gay man who is confident, perfectionistic, and whose house is extremely tidy, may carry deep within him a feeling of being not enough or fundamentally worthless,鈥� he says.

鈥淚t can also show up in the confident and warm professional who cherishes being different and gay, but who, during social conversations, makes no mention of his boyfriend out of the fear of whether other men would still want to continue engaging with him.鈥�

According to Sumeet, these experiences can contribute to loneliness, anxiety, depression and difficulties forming authentic relationships.

鈥淚nternalised homophobia prevents gay men from forming lasting, authentic and fulfilling friendships and relationships in life. It can sustain a chronic sense of loneliness and hopelessness in a person.鈥�

Why does it still happen?

Although society has become more accepting in many ways, Sumeet believes heteronormative expectations continue to shape queer people's experiences from childhood onwards.

鈥淲ithin our social imagination, we still tend to see a developing child through heterosexual expectations,鈥� he says.

鈥淢any queer children still experience bullying, shame and rejection within school playgrounds, growing up with the feeling that there is something about them that they need to hide, correct or reject.鈥�

The lasting psychological impact

He also points to the continued expectation for LGBTQ+ people to 鈥渃ome out鈥� as evidence that heterosexuality is still viewed as the default.

鈥淲hy is it that queer people are expected to come out?鈥� he asks. 鈥淲hy is it that heterosexual people never need to come out?鈥�

While Pride celebrations, legal protections and public acceptance are important markers of progress, Sumeet says they do not automatically erase the effects of earlier experiences of shame or exclusion.

鈥淭he shaping of the queer personality and mind is often deeply internal and invisible,鈥� says Sumeet. 鈥淥ver time, these experiences can lead queer people to unconsciously monitor, restrict or adapt parts of themselves in order to feel emotionally safe.鈥�

Recognising the signs

Internalised homophobia is not always obvious, even to those experiencing it.

鈥淓ven the most self-aware of people will, at some level, remain unconscious of the ways in which they suppress their authentic self,鈥� shares Sumeet.

He encourages people to reflect on where their beliefs and behaviours come from, asking themselves questions such as: 鈥淲ould I still behave, respond or feel in this way if I was attracted solely to the opposite sex?鈥�

Exploring these questions can help people identify ways they may have adapted their behaviour to avoid judgement, rejection or shame.

How therapy can help

For many LGBTQ+ clients, internalised homophobia is not the reason they initially seek therapy. However, Sumeet says it often emerges as they begin exploring their life experiences, relationships and sense of self.

鈥淪ooner or later, the individual begins to realise how society, religion and family have played a significant role in them rejecting or dismissing some of the most essential and beautiful aspects of themselves,鈥� he says.

From awareness to change

Therapy can help people understand how these experiences have shaped them and develop greater freedom to express themselves authentically.

鈥淥ne of the pinnacles of psychotherapy is the sense of awareness and consciousness that it can help create within an individual,鈥� says Sumeet.

鈥淎s a person develops a deeper understanding of these dynamics, and begins to question their own internalised homophobia, there can be a gradual transformation in their sense of self, relationships and personality structure, allowing greater expression of who they were meant to be.鈥�

For Sumeet, recognising internalised homophobia is often the first step towards greater self-acceptance, stronger relationships and a more authentic way of living.

If you or a loved one need support with internalised homophobia, please visit our Therapists Directory.

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1听About our Public Perceptions Survey

Since 2019, 糖心官网 has conducted an annual survey to measure the opinions and attitudes of the British public towards mental health.听听

The survey data was collected using a self-complete, online听methodology. A nationally representative sample of 5,058听adults (aged 16+) was taken from YouGov鈥檚 online research panel and results were weighted to provide a nationally representative dataset. Fieldwork for the 2026听survey was conducted between the听16th听February听and听6th听March 2026听and is in line with fieldwork dates from previous years.听听

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