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At this point in my career, I have sat with hundreds of clients, providing thousands of hours of therapy, and over time come to specialise in working with queer folk. Many of whom are struggling with their acceptance, their identity. Struggling to be authentically themselves.

This is often down to their wider context, their intersectionality. They sit down in front of me shaped by a society that says ‘don’t be you’. Shaped by a religion that says, ‘no’, shaped by families who won't accept, the list goes on.

Yet sometimes, for the first time in their life they are sitting with a therapist who says, in more ways than one ‘I see you’. That is when a lot of powerful therapy happens.

I noticed this quite quickly in my practice. During one of my placements, working with gay asylum seekers – fleeing a home country that would kill them for being gay – I witnessed the power of ‘seeing’ them. They would share their story, and I would listen, hear, accept and be there with them, side by side. Quickly their shoulders dropped and they breathed.

It was no fancy technique, no specific theory, maybe not even a skill. It wasn’t about me doing; it was about me being with them. That was enough.

By being with our queer clients, we give them a space to work out what they truly believe about themselves, without outside noise and expectations. I started to see patterns, patterns that I kept in mind to help inform my work. Queer clients would come with their intersectionality, and I would ask them to tell me more, to help me, us to understand what shaped the version of them they are today. They would come with anger, and I would let them know they can express it here. They would come with shame, and we would reduce its potency by starving the silence. They would express their internalised phobias, and I would say, in many ways ‘who taught you this? And what do you actually ²ú±ð±ô¾±±ð±¹±ð?’

By exploring this, holding space for these themes, therapy helped them think inwards, see inwards. Work out who they are and what they want in their life. Sometimes queer clients don’t foresee a happy life. Yet when we help them to unpick what isn’t really them, we can begin to pose the question, ‘Is there a positive narrative here?’

Being with queer clients over time, meant asking a few questions, and listening. Facilitating a space for them, not a ‘safe space’ but a space ‘safe enough to feel unsafe’. Reminding them ‘I see you, the real you’. All of this can lead to greater self-acceptance. When our queer clients are more accepting of themselves, and work towards an authentic identity they are likely to make more friends. This can help them to find a community, discover a chosen family. And at that point. Something wonderfully accepting usually happens.